Stalling is the Best Medicine
by Moczo
Summary: Clarke, seeking to avoid a war that could devastate her people, has gone to Commander Lexa with an offer she cannot refuse: A way to turn the Reapers back into true men. This would probably be a better idea if she actually had such a thing. (Birthday present for RadiantBeam; one-shot; Absolutely crackfic)


**Author's Note: A birthday present for RadiantBeam; she was bemused by Clarke and Lexa's first interactions back in S2E7, ****wherein our dear Ms. Griffin goes to Lexa offering a cure for Reapers before she actually knows for sure they have one. She wanted that concept made infinitely worse. I can work with that!  
**

**(*)**

Clarke Griffin took a deep breath as she walked through the Grounder camp, toward the tent that the Commander held her council in. She was not at all comfortable; every single man and woman that she passed carried a weapon that looked like it would be easily able to hack her face off, and they also looked a little annoyed they weren't being allowed to use them. And there were a _lot _of them. Guns and fences would help somewhat, but the guard would be overwhelmed if this army attacked them all at once. All the Sky People would be wiped out, and things would go on as they always had, with Mount Weather dominating the region and the Grounders slaughtering anyone who crossed them.

She took another deep breath, and stepped into the room. The commander sat on a throne (she brought a throne with her on invasions?), a slender dark-skinned woman at her left hand and a bearded giant of a man on her right. Against all odds, the rather small woman looked much more threatening to Clarke; her eyes looked just a tiny bit crazy. At least the giant seemed calm.

Commander Lexa herself, in contrast to her attendants, seemed almost businesslike for a Grounder. Oh, she was still wearing the war paint and the leather and quite a lot of spikes and she had a dagger she clearly knew how to use and Clarke had the uncomfortable feeling that she could bench-press her, but she didn't emanate hostility. Distrust, perhaps, but at least Clarke wasn't feeling like she was in danger of the woman snapping and breaking her neck without warning.

"You come before me for negotiations," Lexa said flatly. "We have nothing to negotiate. You will leave my lands, or your people will die."

_Well. _Not the most welcoming young lady, was she? But Clarke had been prepared for that, and she had a bargaining chip she knew Lexa would not be ready for. It was just a matter of dealing it out and hoping it went over well.

"I've come to propose a truce. Mount Weather is a danger to both our people, and we need to join together to fight them," Clarke said. "And if you are willing to join us in this, we can offer you something in return."

Lexa arched an eyebrow, as though she wasn't entirely sure whether she should be amused or insulted. "You speak of truces with murderers and gifts from those who have nothing we desire. Indra would like me to kill you. You are not convincing me to deny her."

"We know how Mount Weather is making the Reapers," Clarke said, dropping her bombshell. "And we know how to cure them."

Shock came to the face of all three Grounder officials, and even Lexa sounded slightly hesitant as she said, slowly, "You… can turn Reapers back into true men?"

"Lincoln was turned, and we have cured him," Clarke said.

"And he still lives? In good health?" Lexa demanded.

"… … … … … ummmm," Clarke said.

_**Elsewhere…**_

Abby Griffin looked down on the Grounder man, Lincoln, who did not appear to be very… alive.

"Is he breathing, or just convulsing?" Raven asked.

"I'm not sure. Maybe we should have Finn look, he knows what dead innocent people look like!" Octavia suggested.

"… Cold, Tavi," Finn said, hiding in the corner with his angst.

"If the homicide fits, wear it."

"Look, kids, I understand that you are trying to help, but your presence here is actually not helping me stop this man from bleeding out of his eyeballs," Abby said with as much patience as she could muster. "I really need room to work, and… Mr. Blake, what are you doing?"

"Poking him with a stick," Bellamy said, poking Lincoln with a stick.

"… Why?"

"Because it occurs to me that just because he had a seizure and passed out doesn't mean we actually _know _he isn't gonna be a Reaper when he wakes up. We're just assuming he is."

The room fell silent for a long minute, and everyone but Abby took a step back from Lincoln.

"So _how _do we check that, exactly?" Raven asked.

"Poke him with a stick to see if he goes crazy and kills someone," Bellamy said, like this was the height of logic.

"And if he kills you, idiot?" Octavia snapped.

"Finn's right there, he'll probably go for him first."

"Oh, hey, that's a good point!" Octavia said. "Here, give me the stick for a second."

"You know, I feel like you people don't really respect me anymore," Finn said sadly.

"What was your first hint, Insano the Clown?" Octavia asked, poking her boyfriend with the medical stick.

Bellamy raised a hand. "If it helps, I _never _respected you."

"If it helps, Finn, not many people show me respect either," Abby said. "Now, seriously. Children. I need you all to _step back _in case he starts dying again and I need to do CPR."

"Won't you get Grounder diseases if you do that?" Raven asked idly. "I mean, their immune systems have to have all kinds of junk we've never experienced. I bet just touching him could get you Grounder Death Cancer or something."

"I think I'd know if he had a contagious disease, Reyes," Octavia growled. "We're about as close as humanly possible. He's my _soul mate._"

"Haven't you only known him for like a month?" Finn asked.

"Oh! Oh!" Raven snapped. "I'm sorry, did _you _just question someone's relationship length, mister 'It's been ten days, time to move on to the next girl'?!"

"… I thought we weren't like, holding a grudge about that."

"_You _aren't holding a grudge! I'm still bitter!"

"Raven, you really do need to move on. That all happened a long time ago."

"_It's been three weeks!" _

"… What have you kids been _doing _down here, anyway?" Abby asked in horrified fascination.

"It's been a complicated month and a half, let's put it like that," Bellamy said. "Tavi, pass me the medical stick, I wanna keep the experiment going."

_**Back at Camp…**_

"I can… honestly say that Lincoln is… with the finest of our medical minds. Our chief physician, my very own mother, is caring for him," Clarke said. _I don't need to tell her about the other minds in there, it would only spoil the mood. _

"And he is cured? You can prove this?"

"… Yeeeeeeees?"

"You seem hesitant," Lexa said, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"She _lies _to us, commander. Allow me to gut her," the dark-skinned woman suggested.

"Indra, she is here under a flag of truce. Also, you have suggested we attack at random and kill them all forty-three times since we set up camp here yesterday. I love rampant slaughter as much as the next warrior, but you may have a problem."

"My _problem _is that when I went to attend the clan meeting, I had a village, and now I very suddenly don't," Indra said, staring daggers at Clarke.

_Dammit, Finn! _Clarke thought. Out loud, she said, "That was… an accident."

"Oh, how nice! He _accidentally_ held down the trigger on his ancient weapon of death eighteen times in a row. Well, that makes everything better," Indra said. "Commander, can I _accidentally_ remove her spine? I wish to make a coat rack of it."

"Indra, sarcasm is not our way," Lexa chided her.

"My apologies, sir. I am just kind of miffed about all the dead children and elders."

"We are all miffed, my friend," Lexa said, patting her on the shoulder. "And if they are lying, we shall crucify them all and burn them as they hang screaming, as is right and proper in the case of a Miffing."

"Your wisdom knows no bounds, sir."

"… So I'm thinking 'miffed' means something different for you than it does for us," Clarke observed.

"Pray that you never see me _peeved_, Clarke of the Sky People," Lexa said grimly. "Now, you shall lead us to Lincoln that we may see for with our own eyes that he is cured."

_**Elsewhere…**_

"Can I try the medical stick next?" Raven asked.

"Please stop calling it that," Abby begged.

"Sorry, I'm just bored. You won't let me build Lincoln a cyborg battle suit, and it turns out that I'm not a doctor. Just a _cuckold!" _

"How many times do I have to apologize for that?" Finn muttered.

"_Once would be nice!" _

"Is he breathing?" Bellamy asked. "Oh, wait, never mind. He definitely isn't, so. Question answered!"

"… Oh shit." Abby said, eloquently.

_**Back at camp…**_

"Which he definitely is!" Clarke said, with more confidence than she felt.

"I would assume so. You have told us he is," Lexa said.

"And I wouldn't lie!"

"You do have an air of honesty about you, along with the voluminous hair and finely formed legs of a temptress," Lexa said. Behind her, the giant man winced and muttered something in the Grounder language that Clarke felt, from the tone, seemed to mean something like 'Here we go again.'

"I… what did you just…?"

"Nothing. Come, lead us to Lincoln. And as we walk, you may stand directly in front of me. That I may keep an eye on you."

"… Sure."

"I am also curious how your people manage to create such amazingly skintight pants, for they flatter your hips tremendously."

"Wh-"

"Nothing."

_**Elsewhere…**_

"Breathe, you son of a bitch!" Octavia shrieked.

"Despite what you may have heard in the movies, Octavia, that doesn't actually help," Abby said flatly between chest compressions.

"You can't leave me, Lincoln! Please, God, breathe!" she continued to shriek, and Abby wished for some medical earplugs. Normally she only wanted those for delivering babies, but she considered her current situation to be pretty much the same as that, only there were _four _babies in the room and none of them would shut up.

"You know, Octavia, I really hate to agree with Finn, but you really have only known him for like a month," Bellamy said.

"And in that month he has proven himself to be _way better _than literally any other man I've met in my life!" Octavia countered. "What are my other options? Murphy? Crazy. Jasper? Afraid of the dark. Monty? Nerd. Finn? Crazier than Murphy, somehow!"

"Plus, I'm _seeing _someone, not that you care," Finn muttered.

"No you aren't, asshole!" Raven snapped.

"Hey, Clarke and I…"

"Are _not a couple!_"

"… … … Yet."

"Give me the medical stick, I'm gonna shove it up Finn's ass," Raven said.

_Focus on the medicine, Abby. Let the medicine become your world, _Abby thought as she began rescue breathing for the fourth time. _… Oh God, if this guy dies I'm going to die too, and the last people I'll have had a conversation with will have been these four. _

She began chest compressions again, absolutely determined that Lincoln could not die. Ever.

_**Leaving Camp…**_

_Okay, Clarke. You can do this. All you have to do is lead these scary people to Lincoln, and have faith that your mother was able to ensure Lincoln's comfort and health, letting the drug in his system play off and keep him alive until he could be himself again. I mean, it's your mom! When has she ever disappointed you? _Clarke thought.

**Earlier…**

The guard pressed the switch on the airlock, shooting Clarke's father out to his death while she watched, screaming helplessly.

"You bastards, you killed my husband!" Abby said. "I… sure do hope that whoever turned him in really didn't mean for this to happen, because her good intentions would make it a little more morally ambiguous! I hope that would help make sure her daughter won't hate her for it later! … I of course say this theoretically, because it might not have been a woman who has a daughter! It could have been nearly anyone!"

Clarke fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably, her world shattered.

"Nearly anyone!" Abby repeated. "… Not me!"

**The Present…**

… … … _Okay yes, I should take the long way there and pray for a miracle. _Out loud, she added, "So, since we're going to be walking through the compound, how would you like to see, erm, our first attempts at agriculture?"

"Take us to Lincoln," Indra said flatly.

"Calm, Indra. I feel that learning more of our neighbors will be beneficial. Tell me, Clarke, would you please demonstrate some of your farming techniques?"

"… I… I'm not really a farmer, personally, so…"

"I insist. You shall show us the new techniques brought to the ground by your people from the stars. Come, dress in farming clothes, which I assume are cut in strategic places to allow you a great range of motion and allow your skin to breathe. And be visible."

"Wait, wh-"

"It is traditional for a commander to study the village's food production upon arriving. You do not wish to insult your guests, do you?" Lexa asked.

"It is not traditional, sir," the giant man said.

"*Gustus, I need you to shut up and let a playa play, here*," Lexa hissed in the Grounder tongue. "*Have you _seen _this girl? Mama like*."

"*Oh God, I was afraid she was doing this,*" Indra muttered.

"*Bitch, if you keep trying to ruin my game here, I will cut you so hard you'll be physically able to smile,*" Lexa snarled. "*And G-dog, do you or do you not work for me?*"

"*I do, but…*"

"*Then you will back me up on this one! Commanding doesn't give me a lot of time to pick up chicks, man. I need my wingman to not be shooting me down.*"

Gustus sighed. "*And if we kill her entire culture later?*"

"Then I guess I struck out! But that ain't no excuse for not even getting up to the plate."

"*Bitch, you be trippin'.*"

"*_Indra what did I just say?!_*" Lexa screeched, causing Clarke to jump halfway out of her skin at the suddenness of it. "And Gustus! Dude! You owe me this one. You remember when I introduced you to that hot chick who was _just _your size, so you didn't even have to lean over to kiss her? You remember how I wing manned for you back then?"

"*That was a bear, Lexa.*"

"*And she was totally into you!*" Lexa protested. "*Now come on, Gus. I need my wingman here, so give me a fist bump.*"

Gustus sighed. "*Lexa…*"

"*Give me. A fist bump. And _back me up._*" Lexa held up her hand, clenched into a fist and awaiting only the fist of her chosen bro to seal the pact honorably. Sighing in what could only be described as the most deep of annoyance, Gustus tapped his fist against Lexa's.

"*That is mah _boy!_*" Lexa crowed, drawing her hand back and waggling her fingers as she made the ceremonial explodey-noise.

"*You have such a beautiful language,*" Clarke said appreciatively.

"*It was passed down to us from the before-fathers, symbolizing our rich culture and proud traditions,*" Lexa agreed. "*Now, how do your people feel about leather bikinis? We have a proud tradition of putting our blonde women in them, as a sacred rite.*"

"*We… we indeed do,*" Gustus said, each word seeming as though it was torn out of him with great pain to both his body and his soul.

"*Remind me again why she is our commander?*" Indra muttered.

"*_What part of 'back me up' are you not grasping here, bitch?!_*"

_**Elsewhere...**_

"Breathe, you son of a bitch!" Abby begged Lincoln, who was turning an interesting shade of blue and appeared to be maybe leaking a little bit from his ears.

"I thought you said that wouldn't help," Octavia said.

"It won't! But I'm _frustrated _and I _need this man to live _so I _don't die with you people!_" Abby hissed.

"We could try the medical stick again?" Bellamy suggested.

"_STOP CALLING IT THAT!" _

Over in the corner of shame, Finn said, "You know, I think it's not really fair that you're so mad, Raven. I thought I was never going to see you again. I had to move on with my life."

"_After ten days?!" _

"I moved on quickly! That's a good thing, it shows I respect you."

"I… that… what?"

"Exactly."

"The Hell, man. The _Hell _is wrong with you? You used to be sane, I'm sure of it. I mean there was that time you talked me into going on a spacewalk that lost months' worth of air and probably doomed the Ark, then took the fall for me, but…"

"What?" the other three people in the room asked, in perfect unison.

"I mean… uuuuummm…" Raven said. "Bad Finn! Very, very bad! You are a bad man who shot all the Grounders and it was _wroooong_."

"Gee, thanks," Finn muttered.

With a desperation born of rage, Abby slammed her hands onto Lincoln's chest, perhaps intending to kill him herself just so she could bring everyone else down with her. He coughed, and began to breathe again, albeit still somewhat uneasily.

"You saved him!" Octavia squealed. "Oh, wow, Abby, you really are the best doctor in the whole… should his eyes be bleeding?"

"I'll get the medical stick!" Bellamy declared, grabbing the medical stick and poking Lincoln with it. "It doesn't seem to be helping, but I'll keep trying!"

Abby didn't sob, but only because the hate had made her tears dry up.

_**Getting uncomfortably close to Lincoln...**_

"So, we've shown you the pool…" Clarke said.

"It was very well built. We look forward to exchanging pool techniques with your people," Lexa said. "Are you _sure _you would not like to demonstrate it by skinny-dipping?"

"And the gymnasium…"

"Such an odd building. Does not the world itself offer enough challenges, enough tests of physical skill? Yet, despite myself, I find myself intrigued by this notion of 'yoga' and wish to see more of it. Perhaps you could arrange a showing of some sort? In private?"

"And… I'm not sure what you were so interested in about that pole and the collection of body glitter, but we saw that too…"

"You don't know what that is for?" Lexa asked. "Clearly, there is _much _our peoples can tell each other. Over dinner."

"*I hate you so much,*" Indra muttered.

"Look, I know that I said I wanted to show you around," Clarke said. "But we're reaching the point that even _I _kinda want to just go right to Lincoln, so…"

Gustus, with the patience (and a little bit of sorrow) of a true, accomplished wingman, said, "But you have not shown us your people's supply of fuzzy handcuffs and massage oil."

"*That's my bro*!" Lexa crowed. "Indeed, Clarke of the Sky People. We must know of these crucial supplies if our alliance is to stand."

"I… am not sure we have… those things."

"Well, that is clearly not acceptable. As a humanitarian effort, the twelve clans will provide you with a sample of each, and I will personally instruct you on how to properly use them. Preferably after some wine."

"*Wine doesn't exist anymore,*" Indra said.

"*Bitch, _she _doesn't know that! I do not need you to go around getting' all up my grill, In-dawg. I need you to be cool. Why can't you just be cool for like, five damn minutes? Lexa needs ta get her hot blonde on.*"

"*Because she killed a bunch of children and old people!*"

"*Not her _personally. _Come _on, _dawg, you know how much I like 'em blonde and idealistic. It's like, my _one _fetish.*"

"*I thought your fetish was 'anything female and breathing'.*"

"*… Okay, that was a pretty good one,*" Lexa admitted.

"*Besides, there's like, zero blondes in the entire world. I don't think I've ever met one. How did you even _get _a thing for blonde chicks?*"

"*This is actually the first one I've met. I've just heard stories about them and always thought they sounded really hot.*"

"*…How is it that every word out of your mouth makes me hate you more?*"

"*How is it that you're such a punk-ass bitch who can't even help a girl get some?*" Lexa countered. "*Gustus, back me up here.*"

"*This is humiliating,*" Gustus said sadly.

"*Cold, G-money. Cold.*"

"You know, I would really love to learn your language someday," Clarke said helpfully. "Maybe like, a cultural exchange. We could teach you medicine and agriculture, and you could teach us…"

"Nude mud wrestling?" Lexa suggested.

"What?"

"Nothing."

_**Elsewhere... **_

"So, okay. Medically speaking, I think we have a minor problem," Bellamy said.

"He's dead!" Octavia snarled.

"Which _is _the problem, yes, if you would let me _finish_."

"God, this happens _every time_. I meet a nice guy and he dies! It was the same with Atom. I just can't get a damn break."

"Look on the bright side. This is only your second try!" Finn said.

"Oh, I do _not _need to hear that from _you. _Your love life makes mine look like a damn fairy tale princess, you psycho."

"I'm not a psycho! Why do people keep calling me that lately?"

"_Because of the murder!_"

"… That was an accident."

"No, dude! No, it wasn't! You don't get to call it an accident when you rounded up a bunch of children and pointed a gun at them and shot them! Eighteen times!"

"… I had to find Clarke?"

"Why?! She's not your girlfriend, asshole!" Octavia shrieked. "Oh, and _she was fine_! You were looking in the _wrong place_! In fact, in the end, _she_ found _you! _So that hurts the excuse there a little bit!"

"Okay, I am growing fond of her," Raven said. Octavia and Raven exchanged a fist-bump of sisterly camaraderie as they stood united.

"I'm glad you're making friends, Octavia," Bellamy, the proud brother, said. "And I really hope this one survives."

"You're a peach, bro."

"There has to be a way," Abby muttered. "There has to be a way out of this. I can't die with these people. I can't. Can we put Lincoln's brain in a new body? Would that fix things? A cyborg, maybe? LincolnTron? Please, God, give me inspiration. I need a way out. This cannot be the end for me."

"And up here," Clarke's voice rang up the stairs, "we have…"

"Oh shit," Raven said, eloquently.

"Okay, new plan! Finn, you lie down and pretend to be Lincoln!" Abby said.

"I don't think… that will fool anyone."

"_We don't know that! _Maybe we can turn off all the lights, and the Grounders will be too afraid to check because they're all scared of the dark!_" _Abby shrieked, just a _little _bit too loudly.

"*How did they find out about that*?!" Indra snapped from the lower floor.

"*Just be cool, as long as we don't confirm it they just look like racists. Lots of people are scared of the dark*," Lexa said.

"_Anyway!_" Clarke said more loudly. "Since I _know _that Lincoln is okay, I have _no problem with _walking up these stairs. Slowly. One stair at a time."

"And I shall walk directly behind you, and slightly lower. For safety," Lexa said. "Indra, I swear to god, do not ruin this for me. You could bounce a post-apocalyptic quarter off that ass, and I get the world's best view."

"*I get the idea by this point, yes. Gustus, how do you _put up _with her?*"

"*Practice.*" Gustus said in a long-suffering tone.

"They really _do _have a beautiful language," Bellamy said. "Shame about how they keep trying to kill us."

"I sure know! That Lincoln! Is alive and waking up now!" Clarke screamed, just a _tiny hint _of desperation in her voice. "Please let him say something when we get up there! So as to prove this!"

"Dammit!" Octavia screamed. "Wake up, you bastard! _Wake up and don't leave me alone without a single loved one in the world!"_

Bellamy coughed.

"_Oh wow it seems like Octavia is play-acting that something is wrong! I sure am stalling for as much time as I can! But I sure wish someone would shut her up and fix things!_" Clarke shrieked. "_**Not that anything is wrong!**_**" **

"You people have a truly wonderful grasp of stairs," Lexa said in a tone that sounded mildly hypnotized. "And I remain fascinated by your grasp of very tight pants. Very, very fascinated."

Abby knew that she was trapped. There would be no escape this time; given that it was about the fifth time she had been scheduled for execution, she was still oddly calm. It wasn't like she could wake Lincoln up, she didn't actually know what was wrong with him. Magic future drugs. So she did the only thing that she could think of.

Grabbing the shock prod the kids had kept handy to subdue Lincoln if he escaped, she thumbed the voltage up to maximum and brought it down at the thing in the room she felt that a few thousand volts could really help.

Unfortunately, Octavia was better at dodging than she looked, even if she was crying.

_**Literally right in the same room at this point...**_

Clarke, wincing with every wail that Octavia released and praying that Finn wasn't going to say anything while Indra was in the room, walked up the stairs into their… it wasn't an infirmary. So a Grounder-storage facility? Whatever you called it, they had Lincoln there. She wasn't sure why Lexa was being so calm about her walking up the stairs at a pace of one step every two minutes, but it was working out so far.

Behind her, Lexa said something about salad. She was kind of an odd duck.

Finally, and with a great deal of horrible fear filling her soul, she stepped up the final step, and took a look at what was going on.

Finn and Raven were standing in opposite corners. Raven was staring at Finn as though she expected him to grow a second head and start spitting fire, and Finn was kind of just staring off randomly at nothing, muttering about how this time it wasn't his fault. Bellamy was holding a stick and pouting. And her mother appeared to be trying to kill Octavia, who was screaming. But _not _because she was about to be killed, because Lincoln had turned purple and was leaking blood from his face ears.

Clarke considered this a step down from the scenario she had built up in her head, which was that they would all be drinking peach tea and singing songs about how great peace between Grounder and Sky People was.

And then something went wrong… or right? Clarke didn't know anymore.

Octavia did not, as far as anyone could tell, have much in the way of actual usable skills. She was good at being pretty, good at using her prettiness to get her way, good at attracting Lincolns, and possibly some other things that she had just chosen not to explain yet. But the truth was, she actually had a little more skill at unarmed combat than she tended to advertise unless someone was actually in the process of trying to kill her (which happened _distressingly _often). And so, when Abby took the shock prod to her, she dodged and deflected the attack with the ease of someone who had gotten a little _too _used to people trying to gut her.

Unfortunately, she deflected it _right _at Lincoln.

The shock prod, apparently turned up a _little _too high for actual use on a human being, made Lincoln flop about a foot off the ground and make a sound somewhere between a cat being strangled, and a human being… well… electrocuted in the chest by a thousand volts. His agonized screams flooded the chamber as he flailed, the electricity tearing through him.

And Bellamy, acting with speed and reflexes that Clarke would have found impressive in a trained assassin, much less a dude who had only _just barely _managed to survive a month without gettingliterally everyone he knew killed, smacked him over the head with the stick he was holding as hard as he could.

Lincoln stopped flopping, and with a deep sigh, began to breathe gently. He was clearly still not entirely healthy, but he was taking slow, even breaths, and he was not struggling anymore. Color seemed to be coming back to his skin much more quickly than she had been expecting, as well.

The room fell silent for a long second, broken only by Abby pointing at Bellamy's grinning face and hissing, "_Do not say anything_."

Octavia squealed in joy. "Medical stick!"

Abby fell to her knees and began to sob.

**_Later, with everyone still alive by some minor miracle..._**

Lexa didn't smile, because Grounders didn't really do the whole 'happiness' thing. But she was clearly impressed by the fact that Lincoln wasn't dead or a slavering monster. She had asked for training in this procedure; Abby had offered to help if they would kill her after, and Bellamy had offered to help the Grounders cut 'many sturdy branches for medical sticks.' Clarke had politely had them both removed before they could ruin the treaty.

"No, Clarke of the Sky People. You have done as you promised, and we, the twelve tribes, shall-" Lexa began.

"There is one other thing we must demand," Indra said.

"*Bitch, what part of 'let a playa play' are you not _grasping _here?!*" Lexa shrieked. "*I am _this close _to getting into those ridiculously tight pants, and you are _ruining it_!*"

Indra rolled her eyes. "*And of course it pains me to do so.*"

"*It _will _pain you, Indra, when I yank all your teeth out with a rusty wrench and make them into a necklace!*"

"*… You forgot about my village, huh?*"

"*Your what, now?*" Lexa asked, watching Clarke stretch out her legs while she waited for the Grounder leaders to finish their talk.

"*My village. Lots of innocent people. Murdered. It was a _thing._*"

"*It _was _a thing, sir,*" Gustus agreed.

"*Gustus! The Hell, dude, you were supposed to be on my side!*"

"*I am, sir. You see, I have been gossiping with some of the Sky People…*"

**Earlier…**

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek…" Monroe said, looking up at Gustus. And up. And up. And up.

"Young girl. Please, tell me of Finn the murderer and other things that girls may have interest in," Gustus said. "I am friend with Lexa, and so know much of 'girl talks'."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek." Monroe said.

**The Present…**

"*It took awhile. The Sky People raise their children to be buffoons. But I did eventually learn something interesting about Finn. And more to the point, who his love interest is.*"

He told her.

She didn't smile, but she _did _kind of get a little predatory gleam in her eyes.

"And so, Clarke. About the murderer Finn, and this quaint little notion my people have about revenge…"

"… … … Well, shit," Clarke said, rightly spotting the only possible way this could go.

"Do you need a medical stick?" Bellamy shouted from outside the meeting tent, hearing Clarke's sign of distress.

_You know, the weirdo outside playing with sticks used to be the leader, _Clarke thought blankly. _Is it bad that on days like this, I kind of wish he'd take the job back?_


End file.
